The first sex experience can be very exciting and frightening at the same time. Most probably, it will be not in the way you imagine it. But one thing is for sure – you will always remember it. According to psychologist Noam Shpancer, the sexual debut is usually etched strong into memory. It can also weigh heavily in the formation of your overall impression. That’s why you should be prepared for the first time.
You will be more satisfied with idea of having sex for the first time if it’s your own decision. Neither your partner nor your friends can push you to do it. If you are not ready to have sex at this point in your life, tell these ‘pushers’ that it’s none of their business whether you are a late bloomer or not.
To understand if it’s the right time, ask yourself these questions:
Do I feel under pressure?
Do I trust my partner?
Will I have any regrets afterwards?
Another important thing is to be aware of the fact that you are not losing or giving anything away. On the contrary, you are gaining a whole new experience. You’ve got a whole life ahead of you. Most probably, you will have more than one sexual partner. And you will have a chance to discover your body and learn how to perform great in bed.
You are going to open this door soon, girl!
Create a relaxing atmosphere
To reduce anxiety and tension, you should create the right atmosphere around you. Avoid drinking alcohol or taking drugs to get up the courage. If you are so anxious about the first time, you can always say ‘no’ and wait until you are ready.
Psychologists recommend to choose the first sexual partner wisely. To get physical and psychological satisfaction, you should be with someone you know very well and trust. It will help you to relax and feel safer.
Find a comfortable place where no one can disturb you. To set the mood for sex, turn on some music and begin foreplay. Make sure to touch and kiss a lot before moving to the next phase. Touching intimate body parts such as breasts, testicles, clitoris, and nipples can push a person’s pleasure levels higher. You can also try engaging in oral sex or even try sex toys in order to become sexually aroused. As you can understand, the most important thing here is to take it slowly.
Get rid of unrealistic expectations
Unfortunately, the first-time sex is not always as passionate and romantic as love scenes in movies. If it’s the first time for a guy, he might orgasm faster than he expects. Studies show that most girls don’t orgasm the first time they have sex.
Also, it’s completely fine to feel discomfort at the beginning. If penetration is painful, don’t hesitate to use lubrication. Be prepared for minor bleeding as well. It’s difficult to say whether you will have a lot of blood or nothing at all since it depends on your physiological characteristics. If you don’t want to leave a mess in the sheets, consider putting a towel under you.
You might want to choose comfortable sex positions for the first time. For instance, you can try a missionary one (when the guy is on top). If you want to control penetration on your own, you can go on top.
Don’t expect your partner to do all the job. He can’t read your mind and guess what you don’t like. That’s why you should be honest and open about your needs and feelings. If you don’t like foreplay, dirty talk, or when he touches certain parts of your body, make sure to let him know about it.
It takes time to learn each other’s preferences in bed and open up sexually. The second, tenth and fiftieth sex will be much better.
There is one more myth around sex. Some girls believe that their lives will never be the same after they sleep with their boyfriends. The truth is that nothing changes (in case you had protected sex). No one will point at you saying ‘you had sex!’.
You should be ready to prevent getting sexually transmitted infections (STIs), such as syphilis, gonorrhea, and HIV. Also, be aware of the fact that it’s possible to get pregnant even after the first sex. To avoid any unpleasant consequences, use protection. Don’t agree to have sex with a guy who doesn’t want to wear a condom due to personal beliefs. Your health and safety are more important than pleasing your boyfriend.
The bottom line
First-time sex is a big deal for most girls. If you want this to go smoothly, make sure to prepare mentally. In case you feel pressure from your boyfriend or friends, wait till you are ready since it should be completely your decision. In order to relax and set the mood for sex, create the right atmosphere and try foreplay. Don’t create high expectations; it’s fine not to orgasm (eventually, your sex life will improve).
Also, always use protection since it can help you avoid undesired pregnancy and prevent getting sexually transmitted infections.